Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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