I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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