You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
