I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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