i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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