We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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