census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
