I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
