you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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