maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
