You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
