my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
