I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
