Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
