if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
