i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
