i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
