You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just pee around me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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