No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
