So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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