Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
