Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
