maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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