whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so much tequila, so little girl.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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