He asked to "fluff my boner.."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
