The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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