oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
