so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
