I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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