she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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