Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
