She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
