well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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