I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
