Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
