can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize