I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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