when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
