Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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