I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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