Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
