all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
