Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
