): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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