Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My bed smells like the plague
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
