I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
