Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
