Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
