Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
