Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
