4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
