If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
