She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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